Dolls, Identity, and Self-Expression: A Conversation with Clawdeena and Youtube Sensation

What happens when a doll enthusiast, collector, and social media star joins In The Doll World to share their unique journey?  You get an inspiring conversation with the talented and passionate Clawdeena   www.inthedollworld.com

Clawdeena found solace in their love for dolls, creativity, and makeup transformations growing up in a small conservative town after being born in Queens, New York.

With an impressive following of over 3 million fans and followers across various social platforms, Clawdeena is best known for their extraordinary make-up transformations, captivating TikTok and YouTube videos, and insightful doll reviews that showcase their extensive knowledge of various doll types, notably the iconic "Monster High Dolls" and explores the fascinating world of dolls, identity, and self-expression.

From the tender age of 10, Clawdeena faced the challenge of feeling different in their small hometown. In response, they embarked on a remarkable journey of self-expression by creating online content and sharing it with the world.

In our chat, Clawdeena opens up about their appreciation for Monster High dolls, the importance of dolls for children, and how these toys can help kids express themselves and explore their emotions. They also discuss their documentary project, aiming to bust the stereotype of doll collectors as "crazy hoarders" and shining a light on the positive aspects of this unique hobby.

But that's not all! We also dive into Claudina's experience as a crisis counselor, working with Crisis Text Line, and how their passion and mental health struggles have influenced their documentary project. By using docu-style storytelling, Claudina aims to normalize their hobby and proudly showcase their identity. Don't miss this fascinating conversation about dolls, creativity, and authenticity.

#ITDWpodcast #georgetteITDW #inthedollworld #inthedollworldpodcast #clawdeena #

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:04

Hello everybody and welcome to In The Dawn World, a show spotlighting the passion and the people of the Dawn community With your host, georgia Taylor, former vice president and co-founder of Big Beautiful Dolls. Join her as she talks to fascinating Dawn artists, customizers, avid collectors, redesigners, authors and all the people in between, as they share their journeys, give us glimpses into their processes and will propel their passion and drive to help keep the Dawn world moving and shaking. Welcome to the show, hello everybody, and welcome to In The Dawn World. I'm your host, georgia Taylor, and I'm so excited that you're joining me today.

Speaker 1: 0:44

I have a wonderful guest for this show and I cannot wait for you to get a chance to meet him. His name is Claudina. He is a renowned Dawn enthusiast, dawn collector and social media star. He has made his name by showcasing his amazing makeup transformations and I'm telling you they are just absolutely gorgeous as well as sharing his vast knowledge about various types of dolls on his popular YouTube channel. And I want to say thank you so much, claudina, for coming on In The Dawn World with me. I really appreciate you being here.

Speaker 2: 1:13

Thank you for having me, Georgia. What an intro. I feel so hyped up.

Speaker 1: 1:19

And you should be. You should be, you should feel hyped up. I mean, you do amazing work. I love your knowledge about dolls and I also love your makeup transformations. They are just absolutely gorgeous, and I love the fact that you talk about life as well as dolls. So I'm excited to talk about, to get into that and find out a little bit more about you. So, yeah, so can you just share a little bit about yourself, where you came from and why you got started with the YouTube channel? How did that happen for you?

Speaker 2: 1:51

So my name is Claudina. I was born in Queens, New York, but technically I was raised in Florida. So I talked a lot about how I was raised in a small conservative town and I was obsessed with dolls. So I started my YouTube channel when I was 10 years old, really because there wasn't a space in my town to explore dolls or explore my creative side that way And it was really validating. I felt pretty lonely as a kid. I talked a lot about that on my channel as well.

Speaker 1: 2:21

Dolls was an excellent way for me to explore my creativity and identity And you said you were like 10 when that started happening for you.

Speaker 2: 2:30

Yeah, yeah, i was 10 years old when I created my YouTube channel.

Speaker 1: 2:35

Very cool. So now, when you created the YouTube channel in the beginning, was you just talking about dolls Like how did that transition happen for you when it came to actually the makeup part of that, or was it just about the dolls when you started the channel?

Speaker 2: 2:48

When I first heard of the channel, it was all about dolls. So I watched Wookie Warrior 23. They were probably like the eight girls of Monster High at that time and they did Monster High costumes. But at that point I was never exposed to men dressing as female characters, so I didn't know I could ever really do makeup on myself. And it wasn't until I turned 14 that I watched RuPaul's Drag Race and I was like, oh, i could just do makeup on myself.

Speaker 2: 3:15

So it started with me doing doll reviews and stop motions just showing the dolls. And then I was like, oh, i kind of want to try doing Monster High cosplays on myself. And so I would dabble. And there's a couple of videos or like photos out there on the actual Monster High Facebook page of me doing my nieces or like friends makeup to look like Monster High characters. They were all like my test dolls basically And they would let me do all types of crazy looks on them. My niece is basically with my little sister She has so much trauma around me hot gluing outfits onto her. But then I finally started hot gluing things to myself. So it was full circle.

Speaker 1: 3:54

Do they let you do their makeup now? I'm sure they do probably. Yes, yes, I actually did.

Speaker 2: 3:59

I did my niece's makeup recently and now it's fine.

Speaker 1: 4:02

So did you have any sisters? Do you have sisters or you're still okay?

Speaker 2: 4:07

I have three older sisters, So we're split evenly. It's three boys and three girls. My sisters don't. Well, actually I take that back. I only have one older sister who doesn't let me do her makeup. The other two love when I do their makeup. Okay, okay.

Speaker 1: 4:20

So when you started, so how did you get into, like, how did you start playing with dolls? I should say because, like you said, you're from a small town I mean, was that really challenging for you? and who purchased your dolls? How did your family react to you when you wanted to have dolls and you wanted to play with them?

Speaker 2: 4:35

Yeah. So I mean I really started collecting dolls when I was three because I loved Little Mermaid. That was like my biggest obsession ever and I had to have every single Disney princess. So at that point I remember all of my siblings would get me dolls for Christmas and they were super supportive of it. But as I aged up, when I turned seven, i in school was exposed to the social norms of boys having dolls and there were boys in school who were like, why do you have dolls? And the way that I was pointed and asked it wasn't necessarily like ill, but it was still condescending. So I stopped buying dolls when I was seven and transition into Pokemon.

Speaker 2: 5:14

But then when Monster High came out, my brother was actually the one who introduced me to the franchise because he saw a commercial about it And we both thought it was really cool and I ended up getting a couple of the dolls And it was kind of it depended on who you asked. In my family I think some of my siblings were really cool about it. Some of them were a little bit like well, he's getting older, like he needs to get into more. I do remember some of my siblings being like you need to man it up or like grow up and things like that. But my parents were always super supportive. I would say that both my mom and dad never made me feel like it was strange to have dolls. They were really supportive in allowing me to express myself in whatever way they felt fit, and I was the youngest of six, so in a lot of ways I think they were just tired. They were like whatever, like we are over it, like we do not care.

Speaker 1: 6:05

Let them play whatever he wants to play when he wants to be quiet. Yeah, yeah, basically.

Speaker 2: 6:11

If they could sit there and watch their news then that was all that they were worried about.

Speaker 1: 6:16

I understand that It's so funny because you know, when we have a doll artist on the show who are men, who are males, they will talk about that. that in the beginning it was really hard for them to wanna play with dolls, even though that was something that they really had a desire to do. And what I loved about it that half of them that come on the show they did have parents who were very accepting of that.

Speaker 1: 6:38

So I think it makes such a big difference in how you see yourself, you know, when you do have parents who can support you in that You know. so I'm glad that that happened for you. Not that that negates any of the other outside things the kids or anything like that but at least in your home environment is something that you still feel you have an outlet and you can express yourself.

Speaker 2: 6:58

Yeah, it was definitely a safe space. I think that it really I mean, I guess everybody's different, but at least for me, like I feel like my parents' approval was super important as a child and being able to have that, at least through this expressive outlet, was everything.

Speaker 1: 7:13

And so now your brother introduced you to Monster High, so I know you have a huge collection of Monster High dolls. So why did you gravitate to Monster High and not other types of dolls?

Speaker 2: 7:28

You know. So I did have the Disney dolls that I kind of phased out of. And then I had Bratz. When my niece was born and she was really her name is Sasha, one of the Bratz names is Sasha She was really into Bratz and I would secretly play with her dolls. But Monster High was kind of my own thing. It wasn't affiliated with I mean, obviously my brother had introduced it to me but it wasn't affiliated with my niece And I think because the dolls were so opposable. That is what drew my attention first. The dolls were super opposable, which allowed me to tell stories with them, even while I was just playing with them, or playing with the dolls with friends, in a way that other dolls couldn't because they were so static And Monster High is known for their lore and you could tell Mattel really put a lot of effort into writing out their story before the line was launched.

Speaker 2: 8:15

So reading the back of the dolls bios and like their freaky laws and things. I really identified with the characters And I think that's why Monster High resonated so deeply with me, because being from a small town, reading about these characters that feel the way that I did at that age, or like they're going through the woes of high school, I really identified with And I think it made it easier in that way.

Speaker 1: 8:38

Yeah, yeah, i couldn't understand that. And this is what I think is so important for the doll community is representation. It may not look like you, but it represented something that you felt and something that you were able to connect with and say, okay, i can own that story because that's how I feel. And so I think having things represented in the doll community is just so important because it really makes children and adults because we have adult collectors feel safe, i mean, and even though they're adult doll collectors, it's still that inner child that shows up, right, you know?

Speaker 2: 9:10

when you're collecting that. So it's something in there Definitely. And I think we even see that with Barbie. Like I feel like that's why her careers do so well, because people see that and they're like, oh, i wanted to be this career. And then you kind of imagined that for yourself.

Speaker 1: 9:22

Yeah, true. So what was your inspiration about creating your alter ego?

Speaker 2: 9:26

Though I actually, when I started doing makeup on my YouTube channel, my sister suggested the name Marissa. I don't go by Marissa at all, like that character's gone dead, she has been discarded. But my sister suggested that my name should have my actual parts of my actual name in it. So my name is Matthew, but I go by Claudina And I chose Marissa with her And that character was very heavily inspired by my sister And I feel like it was more of a character where, as I grew into myself because I was like 14 at that time- As.

Speaker 2: 10:00

I grew into myself, I found the parts of me that I liked, the parts of me that I wanted to display on my channel, the parts of me that I am in real life, and kind of culminated all of that to create Claudina. I feel like it's an alter ego, but it's also just a part of me.

Speaker 1: 10:16

It's just as me, as any other part of me It definitely.

Speaker 2: 10:20

I guess there's different ways that I found that identity, like through watching media, i think, tv shows, definitely through Monster High, and sometimes in subconscious way, like when I was doing my makeup, i would look back at some of my older looks And I was like, oh, this was totally Monster High inspired And I didn't even realize it.

Speaker 1: 10:36

Do you make over your dolls too, or just yourself?

Speaker 2: 10:39

I try to do their hair. I've done repaints before, but I'm not great at it. I have honestly been thinking about doing it though, just because I feel like I've gotten so much better at makeup And I would say that the doll community in general has gotten so much better at repaints in the way, the techniques that have been found and the access that we have to different products, so I've been thinking of trying it, but as for now, i've just been focusing on hair and kind of restyling them that way And doing your own makeup right Yeah, why do you think dolls are so important for children, like, why do you think that they're so important to have in your life?

Speaker 2: 11:14

I think dolls are really important for kids for a number of reasons for sure, But I think what I've heard most from other collectors, even especially male collectors, I would say, is that it was a way for them to explore their femininity and their feminine side.

Speaker 2: 11:28

And I do feel like dolls.

Speaker 2: 11:29

I don't know the word for it, but I think there's something about dolls aesthetically that allows you to explore something that isn't something you can necessarily explore as a human being, but I know there's also studies that show that dolls can help with empathy.

Speaker 2: 11:46

I do remember playing with dolls and being able to create scenarios and imagine like okay, well, this is how this character would feel in this moment, versus how this character would feel, and I do think that it allows children the opportunity to see things from another side. And in therapy, i remember, like just seeing things on TV not necessarily myself, but I know that that is a practice that is sometimes done in therapy with kids using dolls to tell stories, and the way that kids will express themselves through a doll versus themselves, with what they're feeling. And I think there's something safer about this, almost like conduit of like how to express your emotions. So in that way, i think dolls are in a really unique way to explore your feelings. Somebody expressed to me that dolls are like the only functional decor because in some ways, like especially for adults, they are decor but they're also interactive and you can play with them, and a lot of texture.

Speaker 2: 12:39

So I think for kids there's such a myriad of things that make dolls really important.

Speaker 1: 12:44

I find, Yeah, yeah, there really is. I mean, like you said, it's a way of connecting, it's a way of sharing things with that doll that you probably would not share with anybody else, or at least be able to start the conversation. It gives them opportunity. I think sometimes you even have something to talk to, even though it's not a real person, but it's just something there that can kind of maybe keep your secret or just share something that you need to get out.

Speaker 2: 13:09

Right, yeah.

Speaker 1: 13:10

It helps in so many, so many different ways. So, absolutely So. I know you collect Monster High's. How many Monster High dolls do you have?

Speaker 2: 13:19

As of my last documentary, like the third part that's coming out, i am missing 20 dolls. So I have Like I don't even know the specific number, but at least like 1500 at Monster High Dolls. Not all of them are out here, i don't have the space for that, but I out of the first wave of dolls I believe there's something of like 500 Gen 1 Monster High Dolls And I won't announce how many I have of that, but I'm very close And then between Gen 2, they actually produced, i want to say like 300 Dolls in Gen 2. And have the newer generation. So there's a ton of Monster High Dolls and I get doubles of them. I get ones from thrift stores, yeah.

Speaker 1: 14:00

Yeah, i have a ton. You have a ton, i know you have a ton, so how is your right? What are the collections that you have besides the Monster High?

Speaker 2: 14:09

I also collect Brats. I still have a couple of Brats. I've decided to shift from out of box collecting as much and I've been getting in box dolls So I've been buying more in box Brats. I do have a couple Barbies. I really love the Mark Raiden collection that they just released in the Guaope So I own that doll. I do still like Disney Dolls. I'll get like the collector ones. I will say, as it's interesting, that as I've aged up, i do lean more towards the adult collector dolls versus the online. Okay, i would say like I was getting more of a variety, but I am trying to be more mindful of like am I really going to display this or use this in some way, or am I just going to like is it going to end up in a bin?

Speaker 1: 14:48

You're trying to be a little bit more discerning, right, yeah, of your collection, right, i get that Definitely. So you did say something about your documentary, so share a little bit about your documentary and why you started that. I think it's great, but just share a little bit about that.

Speaker 2: 15:01

I decided to do a doll documentary because when I was watching YouTube content specifically of the doll niche, i wasn't seeing that format of storytelling anywhere And I wanted to do something that wasn't depicting doll collectors as crazy hoarders, because I think that most of the time, what you see right Because like when it's docus style.

Speaker 2: 15:24

I've worked on like the producing side of things. My old management used to do casting for reality shows, so they play things up. So when I was seeing it commonly, doll collectors were commonly depicted on TV and reality TV It was as though they were hoarders or they didn't make good decisions for themselves. So their homes were just filled with dolls and we had no space for anything else. And I wanted to show what being a doll collector really looks like. And I think it's not a monolith. Everybody's different, but most of my friends who are doll collectors keep their dolls really neat. It looks more like home decor. It's really demure. So, like my display, i get tons of compliments on it.

Speaker 2: 16:03

So the point of doing a documentary was to let people in on what it looked like to be a doll collector. And the hook really was like completing my Monster High collection, because I know that most of my audience are also Monster High collectors. But I wanted to show people like the questions that I could ask So how do I afford all my dolls? Where do I get the dolls? Since Monster High the older generations are becoming harder to find. Where can you get access to that?

Speaker 2: 16:27

And then also the emotional aspect of doll collecting is a huge part of my life because it's also my work at least 80% But there's also other aspects that tie into this. So when I am going to events with Mattel, what is the emotions like? Like, am I feeling anxious? Did I go through something? What is it like with my family? What is my family dynamic?

Speaker 2: 16:48

Because I think it's one thing to talk about it, but it's another thing to see it, and I think the power of docu-style storytelling is that it really makes people feel things in a different way. I feel like it just hits a different part of your brain that allows you to digest and really see like, oh okay, this person's an actual human being. So I wanted to normalize that doll collectors are just human beings. It's a hobby that allows us to express ourselves and get through things, and I think that it hopefully showcases to people who may not be doll collectors to see that for me, dolls a lot of my identity is wrapped up in dolls, but in a way that's really healthy and helpful and creative And, i think, conducive to the world. I feel.

Speaker 1: 17:30

I think you're so right. I think you're so on point with that, Because I think everybody has that perception right That even if not doll collectors, just collectors in general, that they're crazy or they want to go out and spend all their money, They don't know how to handle certain things because they're so. But it's not always that And kudos to you really for showcasing that, to finding a way to be able to tell that story And the way that saying hey, just come in and look at the life of a doll collector, This is like you said.

Speaker 1: 17:59

This is Yes, this made me my life. It may not be everybody else's, but I want you to know that this life exists and I'm a doll collector And we do the same thing that you do. Right, we have to make those decisions, whether to buy this or buy that, or it's just part of life And I think that's great, that you're doing that and being able to share your story as well. So it also gives another opportunity for younger people, too, to look at you and say he's a doll collector, this is what I wanted to do, but feeling bad because that's what they wanted to do. Now they can look at you and say, well, oh well, this is how it can be done.

Speaker 2: 18:34

That's been the number one comment that I've received over the entirety of my platform is I constantly get messages from kids commenting saying you're the reason that I'm allowed to collect dolls, or I really want to collect dolls but my grandma won't let me, or just different stories that are kind of similar and mesh in the same narrative. So I wanted to show also I think it's unfortunate and I kind of resent that I have to explain it this way But the way that I was able to convince some of my family members who were not so happy that I like dolls so much was that I was making money from it And because YouTube was a career for me. When people see that it's like okay, well, in this way it can't be Like how can you argue with somebody making their bag Right? So in that way, on YouTube, i think that kids are able to show family members this content and kind of say, but look, it could also be a career, like it can turn into something else.

Speaker 2: 19:25

And I try to talk about how, even if it wasn't dolls, there's so much that I learned with dolls, because I mean basically to the point that we were speaking of earlier, as to why dolls are important to kids. I also did learn a lot about Hair styling. I learned about video editing. I learned about animation, because I was using dolls as the tool to do that. So in that way, i think that it was important for me to showcase that, if, for the people who feel like You know, it's crazy or weird or a waste of time to have dolls, it can also be Very lucrative. So we can't deny that it's still a fact that you know creating dolls can also make you a lot of money.

Speaker 1: 20:04

Yeah, yeah, that's true, and I mean it's so funny that you said that, because I always asked you know Most of the people who want to come on this show can you make a living doing what you do? And obviously that that's. That's happened very well for you to be able to do that. And a lot of times I'll share with people the podcast. And the first thing that's like well, okay, that's a doll podcast. You know, like I Don't collect all that's right, i don't collect dolls, I don't do this.

Speaker 1: 20:29

But what I try to get them to see is that there's so many levels and nuances in the doll community And there's so many people out there doing amazing work Whether it's creating a dollar, styling a dollar, repainting a dollar, doing videos that they I just want them to see the Opportunities that are still out there for people to get into that space. They may be creative and never thought about Oh, i could do this in the doll community, but because they could get to see these people. But you're right, i mean they first look at it and think, what, what do I need to know about a doll? the dog community I don't buy dolls, or whatever it is, but it's so much more than that. You know It's like the doll is so much more than just the doll.

Speaker 2: 21:06

Absolutely. I think it's. It's amazing that you're also doing this and creating platform for doll collectors to share their own narrative and Expose ourselves to more, more people who, like you were saying, don't necessarily Understand the tears and levels in depth of the doll community. And I really like I think it's amazing that you were doing this, because I feel They're so little out there about that, about, like, how there are such a diverse range of people in this community exploring. That is so cool to me.

Speaker 1: 21:33

Oh, thank you, Thank you so much. I mean I just I just love what you do too, because I just love how you share your story, the things that you go through. You know, talk about the dolls. You have a vast, you have a vast knowledge of dolls. So let me ask you about that, because I'm so interested in that, because you know, most people will collect the dollar and they'll say, okay, i know the manufacturer and always where it was made and things like that. But you, you, you, so indeed, to the characters, the people, everybody, where did that, where did that come from with it, that start for you.

Speaker 2: 22:02

You know, it's really. It's interesting because I think there's certain things that I try to learn, like math, and I'm like I don't know what is going on right now Can't dance, give me a one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight. I don't know what's going on, but when it comes to dolls, that information just sticks, for whatever reason. I think probably I am really into psychology, so I'm gonna just put out some pseudoscience could be just a theory is maybe because dolls are so safe for me, my brain is able to really absorb that information in a way that Is going to stay and it's gonna be more, more permanent and tangible than something that makes me feel more nervous or awkward or anxious, like dancing. And so for me, because I also make the living off of dolls, i Started up my YouTube channel as it is today, in 2020, over the pandemic.

Speaker 2: 22:53

So I had management at that time who was pushing me more to do like skincare and beauty. But I was tired about like I don't, i don't know anything about makeup. I love to transform myself with makeup, but people ask me all the time like, do you want to do your own makeup line? Like no, i don't know anything about makeup. I don't know. I don't care about the ingredients. I love using it, but whereas with dolls I want to know everything, like I want to know what type of plastic are we using, what type of hair is this? How do you, what are these techniques, what are the technical terms, the way that some people feel about makeup, and I Decided to make that that shift over 2020, and that allowed me to learn more about the doll, the doll industry, because my channel became focused on Being a platform where people would get that information because it's really not.

Speaker 2: 23:41

It's not super accessible. I'm still learning things all the time about different terms that are used, different techniques, why things are how they are, but I think it just it's one of those things that came really naturally to me, or at least feels like it comes really naturally to me Why that's why I Know, because I was like, why is so knowledgeable?

Speaker 1: 23:59

It's just amazing. I'm so always learning about dolls. You've got have been in the doll Space. I made my own doll, but still I only knew that much right to make a doll. And then I and I broke away from the doll business and then When I started to think about podcasting, as I started podcasting, i was like, yeah, it's a great medium, you know, to showcase all the people that I met. You know why people don't know about these people. Who was beyond me and I realized they weren't dolls on the shelf And that's what all people knew. But I wanted to show them, the people that were not, that didn't have dolls on the shelf, and and the Community that they were that they were in, and so I totally understand that. So when you, when you first started YouTube channel, you were just showcasing dolls or were you just, or you were doing makeup or you were doing both at the same time when you first started.

Speaker 2: 24:43

So when I first started, it was just the dolls. It was up until 2014. So 2014 shifted from dolls to doing both and then I would say around 2017 is when it became just doing makeup. There might have been a doll video here and there, but it was very, very rare. And in 2018 I signed with the management company and They Basically didn't want anything to do with dolls. They didn't necessarily explicitly say that, but it was alluded to and they would never want Like they would never push for me to work with doll companies.

Speaker 2: 25:12

So in 2018 it was all beauty focused and I was really on a trajectory of being like a quote-unquote Mainstream beauty guru type person. Like I was walking red carpets, i met Lady Gaga, i did a music video with Shawn Mendes like it was all very mainstream stuff, but none of it. I mean, of course I love that like don't get me wrong and I feel very blessed to have done those things But my true passion was dolls and the fact that I was being pushed in this direction. That didn't really feel like me. I just took a step back. So it kind of has been all over the place, been a journey, but it started with dolls and now it's full circle back.

Speaker 1: 25:50

So go back to dolls, right. That's really really cool. I, i love it. I know you said you're very much into psychology, so, and I did find it that you were a crisis counselor as well.

Speaker 2: 26:03

Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1: 26:04

Because you're not okay. How old are you?

Speaker 2: 26:07

I'm 23.

Speaker 1: 26:08

I know I look really young.

Speaker 2: 26:10

Yes, I always joke that it's. It's the Botox.

Speaker 1: 26:18

I don't think that's the truth, but I just think you just you just have a really, really young face And I think that's wonderful to have right. but being a crisis counselor, how did you get into that? How did that come about for you?

Speaker 2: 26:30

So I, because I am the youngest of six, i Went through a lot of therapy in my time as a kid, mm-hmm, and I really it. That is something that also came really naturally to me. So at 12, i remember going to a lot of group therapy and I would have peers in these groups Be like I wish you were just my therapist, because I really I don't know why, but I really grasped the concept of active listening and empathy. So I, in 2019, there was a moment where I was going through a bit of a crisis and my ex at the time sent me the number to crisis text line, which is a. It's a text line that's a nonprofit organization. It's free to text us. And I texted in and I found it to be I think, honestly, it was more so the fact that my ex, like thought to send this to me. That was meaningful.

Speaker 2: 27:19

But when I texted in and I felt like I was being supported, i really liked the idea of being able to support people through text, because I'm naturally better at writing than I am at speaking. So I looked into crisis text line and I ended up working with them and doing a podcast with them, with Stacy London, who was on what not to wear and we talked a little bit about my mental health struggles and the things that I went through growing up. That led me to the point of being a crisis counselor, and I did it all through crisis text line. So I became a crisis counselor through crisis text line. Just because of my passion and because of what I went through, i felt like I was able to really understand the people who were texting in or people on day to day levels of what I'm going through. I get what that's like.

Speaker 2: 28:01

So I just wanted to be there to support. I feel like I constantly say I don't feel like anybody should be alone, like nobody deserves to feel that feeling, and I think if I have the ability to speak in ways that make people feel less alone, then I'm going to do that?

Speaker 1: 28:13

Yeah, you're going to do that, and do you bring that part of you? I mean, i know it's a part of you. So the answer is probably yes, but do you bring that part of you in the documentary when you're talking about your dolls and all the challenges that you have, or you just leave that separately?

Speaker 2: 28:30

Oh, absolutely No. I, especially in the second part I talk a lot about the relationship I had with my ex and how that it was really tumultuous relationship, let's just say that. So I did talk about it more in the documentary. But I was really dissociative and I was doing some of the grandest things I feel of my career just because I'm so passionate about dolls. So anything doll related is really really special to me. And I got to go on a tour of Mattel's factory as they were introduced to Monster Generation. I got to go to the Monster High movie premiere and in that in the documentary I talked about how I was really dissociative during those times. I enjoyed it, like in retrospect, but in those moments my head was somewhere else, like I felt like I wasn't grounded. I was thinking about how my dad had just passed away two years ago, so that was Sorry to hear that.

Speaker 2: 29:19

Sorry, thank you. Yeah, it was. It was really hard So. And then I had to do all of this performance, which is really what it felt more like when I did these things. It didn't. It no longer felt like, oh my God, how lucky am I to be doing this. It felt more like, ok, i have to perform and I have to look really good to these brands and companies that I work with and pretend like I'm not going through a breakup. My dad didn't just pass away like my family is completely fine. I do touch on that. And the third part kind of pulls that all together, like how I, how I get through that.

Speaker 1: 29:47

And I think that I think that's great. And I think the fact that you combine it with, like, part of you that is the dog collector right, the part of you that is you know a male growing up in a, you know an environment where people freak out about men having dolls and boys having dolls, you know and also trying to deal with your own sexuality and who you are as a person and growing, i think that's really a great and amazing combination because it just allows so many people in, not just a dog collector, it's not just it's so many facets, and I think you just allow all those people in to watch that journey and to connect with you, because everybody goes through a lot of things in life And I think that you're saying, hey, this is, yeah, these are things that you go through, regardless of where you're at and who you are. And you know, i want you to, you know, actually enjoy this story too and come along with me. Why are you doing that?

Speaker 2: 30:38

Yeah, absolutely. You know, i think that the way that I always create content, the way that I consume it So if I don't like watching something, I'm not going to create something that I wouldn't like to watch the way that I watch things and the way that I connect with other creators or celebrities, what have you is, when I identify with what they're saying, i'm like, oh my God, that's so me. So I decided I wanted to put myself out there in a way that is really authentic, because then it'll it'll attract the people who relate to that, and they're like oh my God, this is so me. Or like I didn't have a term for what I was experiencing, but now that I see someone else going through it, this is what I was going through.

Speaker 2: 31:15

So, that's that big part of why I wanted to do that.

Speaker 1: 31:17

That's very cool. I love it. I just love, i love what you're doing out there and I just love what you're doing out there. So it's so awesome. So I watched your videos. They are, they're amazing And the editing is phenomenal. You know, i have to maybe I have to take a lesson from you but throw some stuff in between the shows. But so you said before I know you mentioned in another interview, you were talking about that you, your past videos, were more scripted And now you're moving away from that. And why is that? Why do you? why you don't want to use a script anymore. Sometimes I wish I had one, but you know yeah, i go back and forth, i think that.

Speaker 2: 31:57

I still use a bit of the scripted aspect. So, because I'm doing almost like a newscast and I'm reporting on news information, i can't be completely unscripted. But I think it was really difficult for me when I'm Reading the script to. This is literally the reason why it's for me to read the script and then try to repeat it And I would just be doing it over and over and over because I could not remember what I wrote. I'm a lot more concise and you remove a lot of the ums and the like. Like, oh my god, like I remove a lot of that by doing a script, but you lose a lot of the personality as well, and I think that by doing it non scripted, a lot of my audience is like oh, they love How much of my personality they're able to see. And the youtubers that, again, the way that I create is based on what I watch, and the youtubers that I've been watching lately do unscripted content. They're still reporting on news, so I like to.

Speaker 2: 32:47

I I watch a lot of like doll and entertainment news. I don't really watch like news news for those creators They are doing unscripted and getting to see so much of their personality, i was like, oh, maybe I should do that because I this is what I like to watch, so that's why I did to start.

Speaker 1: 33:04

Yeah, basically just shows who you are. Yeah, i think that's so much, that's so much better, i think, because I do believe when you're scripted, sometimes it limits your personality. Yeah, definitely, you know, that's, that's kind of what I found, but but of course, when you're not scripted you're like Oh my gosh, i can't believe. I said that.

Speaker 2: 33:24

For sure I think there's more, there's more room for criticism being non scripted, yeah, but again, i I live by the idea of like and not necessarily in a way of For shock value, but I believe in being polarizing in the way that that will magnetize and bring the people who are attracted to you and the people who Naturally would gravitate towards what you're saying and believe and agree with what you're saying. So, as opposed to just saying something that'll please everybody, right, rather do, that's more authentic to me.

Speaker 1: 33:54

Well, you know, let me tell you, if there's nothing else, you are definitely authentic. So, thank you. I've watched some of your videos and like, wow, okay, but I, but I just I love your style and think that's because I do like, i do like people just being. You know, i guess once you learn who you are, then she's show who you are and I think that And it's all a journey and I think people need to understand that too. It's all a journey, no matter if you, if you get up in the morning, say, oh, you're so amazing, that's wonderful, but you know what you still have to. It's still a journey just to even say that to yourself. I mean so you know, because when you look sometimes you don't feel amazing, you know, and it's like and it's, and that's okay too, but you have to just, you know, figure out how, how to live with both of those, both of those people.

Speaker 1: 34:42

Yeah definitely Yeah, and I think you do. I think you do really great in showcasing that And and in showcasing in the documentary, because I think the documentary really is a place where you can be creative And and it allows you to have so many different outlets. You know, whether you're so, or whether you are makeup artists, whether your hair style is I mean, you can do so many things, yes, with your dolls, as well as having it there as a source of you know, companionship in a way. I think you bring all those aspects into everything that you do and I want to say thank you so much for doing that And the document.

Speaker 2: 35:15

Thank you, you just made my day. I'm gonna go, i'm gonna walk so so high this day with my head held high all day, because you really did height me up like I feel so good right now.

Speaker 1: 35:26

Thank you, Hey, you know, i'm just, i can only be me too. You know, i can only, i can only be me too.

Speaker 2: 35:32

You are radiant though. Oh, like you're at you. Oh, good Yeah, thank you.

Speaker 1: 35:37

Oh, thank you so much. I really appreciate that. I really do so. Yes, just show again. Thank you for being on the show. I really appreciate you, but it's anything else you really want to share with us before you.

Speaker 2: 35:49

Everybody always says this. It's such a cliche, but there is something very, very exciting coming up. It's Monster High related And there's also other doll related things. I am gonna be involved with something with Barbie Not the Barbie thing, isn't? I don't want to hype it up too much for people like, oh my god, are you in the movie? No, but there there's some exciting things in the pipelines with with everyone's favorite favorite doll brands that I will just mention briefly.

Speaker 1: 36:18

Okay, all right, all right, All right, that's all we get. Okay, that's fine, i have to watch. I thought you're gonna share some breaking news, or in the dark world.

Speaker 2: 36:28

It will be. I think it definitely will be once I'm allowed to share those things.

Speaker 1: 36:36

Not a problem, just share what people can find you at, because that's that's really important.

Speaker 2: 36:41

Yeah, that'd be great can find me on YouTube at Claudina 9, on Instagram at Mama Dina official, or if you just type in Claudina you'll find me, and on tick tock at Claudina, and that's CLAW like the nails.

Speaker 1: 36:54

Nice, very nice. Claudina, thank you so much. I'm so excited that you joined us here in the dark world. You're amazing and I'm so, i'm so excited to see where you're going with, with, what you do Really.

Speaker 2: 37:06

Thank you having me. I can't wait. I can't wait to listen to this. Yes, and watch it, it's gonna be great. I Can talk with you all day.

Speaker 1: 37:14

I know we can, we really can. I'm excited about that. So thank you so much for being on in the dark world. I really, really appreciate it. Everybody knows what they can find you and again, i'm so excited for your journey. I cannot wait to see where you see where you're gonna be going and, and I'm excited that people to get to know you and know about you and get an opportunity to you know, go along with you and your journey. So thank you so much for being you really Thank you so much.

Speaker 2: 37:39

I really appreciate that You're so welcome.

Speaker 1: 37:42

Okay, bye everybody. Thank you so much for watching in the dark world. Bye guys, bye. Hello everybody. Thank you so much for listening to in the dark world. I hope you enjoyed the show. Please don't forget to share the podcast with other doll enthusiasts such as yourself. They can find us at Facebook, instagram and Twitter at in the dark world. The show can also be downloaded on all apps with podcasts or streamed To see videos of our interview. Please visit our in the dark world YouTube channel. And don't forget, in the dark world is also on Alexa. Just ask Alexa to open down world. Did you know that you can now leave a voicemail or give us a review? We would love to hear from you or suggest a guest for the show. You can do all that by visiting wwwinthedoneworldcom And, until next week, add a little play into your life by collecting a doll, sharing a doll or giving a doll a home. And again, thank you for listening to in the dark world.